Oberlin, OH-In what has surely been one of the most interesting and long-lasting rivalries at Oberlin College, Commons_ALPHA finally defeated primary enemy Commons_OMEGA on Wednesday, May 19th during the evening printing rush of finals week. In addition to handling a greater volume of jobs Commons_ALPHA consistently printed in higher quality and DPI since both printers were installed in early 2002.
While ALPHA was generally considered to have the upper hand, not all had left OMEGA for dead. "I really thought OMEGA had a chance," said sophomore Julie Darwing as she wept into her palms. "Poor OMEGA," she added as she sobbed uncontrollably.
A memorial service for Commons_OMEGA will be held beneath the Mudd ramp and will be followed by a forum on printer inequality titled "Printing in the 21st Century: Ink, Lies and DPI: A Hierarchy of Digital Hatred: The Barren Landscape of Industrial Printers & The Bleak Future the Lies Ahead."
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